It's a fact that women outperform men in education and that traditionally low-skill, male-oriented occupations are being automated or outsourced in favor of fields that highly value skills that women offer as much or more than men. This means that there are more and more marriages where it makes sense for the husband to stay home and for the wife to be the breadwinner.
In low-cost areas where one income is sufficient, the woman will have increasing earning power. In more expensive areas, the insane cost of childcare alone may make it preferable for the husband to stay home even if he earns $50,000 per year ($50K equates to about $40K in take home pay, which is about $3,300 a month. Child care for two children can run over $3,500 a month. )
So in many cases, the most rational decision will be for the husband to stay at home. But how many will actually do so?
First, men must accept that being a homemaker is an important job, and they should be proud of it. Men are just as capable as women are of caring for children, and with significant training, can do a good job at taking care of the home. By becoming a househusband, they will be making a rational decision that makes the most sense for their families. What's to be ashamed of?
Second, some househusbands will embrace the subservient role they will be taking on. Others will have to accept it, hopefully with support and direction from their wives. Their wives will control the finances, and will make the most important decisions, such as where they will live, what kind of home and vehicle the family will purchase, and how the children will be educated. The husbands don't have to take all of their orders from their wives, but as they see the wives making the big decisions, they will probably realize it's best to defer to them in all decisions.
Third, and most importantly, husbands must admit the huge benefits their wives would realize. Wives would be free to pursue their careers to the fullest, and would help close the absurdly large gender gap in salary. They would be confident that their children were in safe hands, and can return at the end of the day to a home environment that is welcoming, peaceful, and extremely fulfilling. I would personally love for my wife to tell her coworkers, "my husband stays at home taking care of the house and kids." Many of her male colleagues have housewives, so why not her?
Alas, my salary right now is such that it doesn't make sense for me to become a househusband. While I would relish the role of supporting my wife and spending all day at home with the kids, in the long run I'm more useful at work, collecting a paycheck. This isn't such a bad problem to have, and as childcare becomes an expense for us, this may change. But for now, it looks like I'll be in the workforce.
I just wonder how many men are out there working, when their families would be better off with them at home taking care of things.
You know baby over the years I have thought a great deal about this topic. While things are changing, it is my beleif that most men need an occupation out side of the home.
ReplyDeleteAside from the fact that in today's world most families need two incomes, men still take a sense of pride, of ego if you will in the money they earn for their faimily. When a husband stays at home it casues a sense of resentment by most wives.
Even though my man is submissive I am still an old fashioned girl at heart. In my oppinion it is still a man's job to provide an income for his family, or at least a second income.
With the rise of women in corporate amercia the issue for many families is the willingness of a husband to change jobs, move accross the country when the wife is promoted. In the past it was the wife who was expected to change jobs when her husbnad was tranferred.
Love your blog, sweetie.
Kathy
Thanks Kathy! My wife has made it clear that for the time being, I'm going to stay working. The big difference as an obedient husband is that after work, housework and cooking takes precedence over recreation for me, and if I were ever to slack off on my responsibilities around the house, my hobbies would go long before my work did.
ReplyDeleteYour last point hits home--we moved across the country for my wife to attend a prestigious grad school. While there I worked to pay our bills and attended a local state school part time for my degree. It was assumed throughout the process that I would be following her, and I have to say it worked out perfectly for both of us!
I have a brother in law in was out of work for numerous years and was a stay at home dad. He drove the kids places and did some minor meal prep, etc., but he sure wasn't a house husband. My wife's very conservative family thought it a disgrace that he wasn't out working and supporting his wife and though they wouldn't understand the submissive househusband, they sure would appreciate if he had stepped it up and done more of the housework while his wife was working her tail off trying to make ends meet.
ReplyDeleteThis guy doesn't grocery shop, clean, cook or anything else that a househusband would be proud do for his working wife.
I hope that as our children become independent that I can afford to work part time and devote more time to doing more for my wife.
It sounds like your BIL was afraid that being less successful than his wife would cause people to lose respect for him, which ironically led him to slack off at home, which caused people to lose respect for him.
DeleteMany men, it seems, don't respond very well when the women in their lives are the more successful ones. But this is happening more and more often, and when it does happen, the manliest thing you can do is to take on all the responsibilities you can in other arenas, including at home and with the kids.
I think working part time and taking care of things at home is the best of both, if that's financially possible.