Becoming a Househusband?

My wife and I know two families in which the wives are breadwinners and the men are househusbands. These are highly-functioning families where mom, dad, and kids are as happy as a modern family can be. It's clear to me that becoming a househusband may be a great idea for many men.


It's a fact that women outperform men in education and that traditionally low-skill, male-oriented occupations are being automated or outsourced in favor of fields that highly value skills that women offer as much or more than men. This means that there are more and more marriages where it makes sense for the husband to stay home and for the wife to be the breadwinner.

In low-cost areas where one income is sufficient, the woman will have increasing earning power. In more expensive areas, the insane cost of childcare alone may make it preferable for the husband to stay home even if he earns $50,000 per year ($50K equates to about $40K in take home pay, which is about $3,300 a month. Child care for two children can run over $3,500 a month. )

So in many cases, the most rational decision will be for the husband to stay at home. But how many will actually do so?

First, men must accept that being a homemaker is an important job, and they should be proud of it. Men are just as capable as women are of caring for children, and with significant training, can do a good job at taking care of the home. By becoming a househusband, they will be making a rational decision that makes the most sense for their families. What's to be ashamed of?

Second, some househusbands will embrace the subservient role they will be taking on. Others will have to accept it, hopefully with support and direction from their wives. Their wives will control the finances, and will make the most important decisions, such as where they will live, what kind of home and vehicle the family will purchase, and how the children will be educated. The husbands don't have to take all of their orders from their wives, but as they see the wives making the big decisions, they will probably realize it's best to defer to them in all decisions.

Third, and most importantly, husbands must admit the huge benefits their wives would realize. Wives would be free to pursue their careers to the fullest, and would help close the absurdly large gender gap in salary. They would be confident that their children were in safe hands, and can return at the end of the day to a home environment that is welcoming, peaceful, and extremely fulfilling. I would personally love for my wife to tell her coworkers, "my husband stays at home taking care of the house and kids." Many of her male colleagues have housewives, so why not her?

Alas, my salary right now is such that it doesn't make sense for me to become a househusband. While I would relish the role of supporting my wife and spending all day at home with the kids, in the long run I'm more useful at work, collecting a paycheck. This isn't such a bad problem to have, and as childcare becomes an expense for us, this may change. But for now, it looks like I'll be in the workforce.

I just wonder how many men are out there working, when their families would be better off with them at home taking care of things.

Gender Roles in a Female-Led Relationship

I was recently thinking about what makes a female-led relationship work so well for my wife and I, and I had a thought which I must share with the internet.

Neither my wife nor I fit very well into the gender roles western society has assigned us. I think that a female-led relationship has allowed both of us to fit into roles that better reflect our strengths and interests.

I won't discuss any real-world details of my wife or I beyond saying that we both have completed graduate school (which is not at all unusual in our town), and we both truly love what we do at work, but I think that our educations and professions are relevant to this discussion. Let me put it this way--if you took my name off of my resume, I think nearly everyone would immediately assume it was the resume of a female. If you took my wife's name off of her resume, I think everyone would assume it was the resume of a male.

Look at our friends, both in real life and online: I have always gravitated toward female company, while my wife prefers socializing with guys (we have not discussed cuckolding in great depth at this point). 

During the Super Bowl last Sunday, my wife spent considerable time yelling at the television set by way of providing suggestions for one of the teams and vehement condemnation of every aspect of the other team's play, appearance, and existence. I was cleaning the kitchen and watching the commercials. Similarly, the return of the NHL this season has made life more exciting for one of us than the other.

By taking on the authority in our marriage, my wife has assumed a role that's comfortable for her and that fits her personality. Taking on a submissive role has made far less anxious, even as my once-abundant free time has been taken over by cleaning, shopping, cooking, and doing whatever my wife tells me to do. 

Having a clean home, good meals, and a free-time schedule centered on my wife's interests has made us both extremely happy. 

I don't think that femininity automatically corresponds to submissiveness, nor that masculinity corresponds to dominance. But for a male whose personality tends toward the feminine side of the spectrum, being more submissive is reassuring and comforting. And for a female who displays masculine personality traits, being dominant is exciting and empowering.

I'm curious to see how our female-led dynamic will impact our gender roles in the future. My wife has mentioned that more extensive grooming, a more intensive exercise and diet regimen, and a re-thinking of my wardrobe to include more color and better fit would be appropriate. It's not my choice one way or another, so I don't need to worry about it, but I think that exploring how my submissiveness relates to the feminine aspects of my personality would be interesting.