Consciously Choosing Submissiveness

As my wife and I have progressed in our female-led marriage, she has repeatedly pointed out my habit of attempting to be bossy. I'll actually say things like "you can...,""you could...," "would you like...," and even "would you mind..."to my wife.

Any submissive, obedient husband should obviously avoid saying anything remotely like this, but I have been slow to unlearn this unfortunate vanilla habit.

Being manipulative like this is wrong for two reasons. The first, and most obvious, is that she doesn't need my permission for anything. The second, and more difficult, is that I shouldn't ask my wife what she wants done because I should know what I need to do. If she needs something, she'll tell me. But if I go around asking if I should do this or that, I'm setting the agenda. This is bad. The key to our female-led relationship is that my wife is setting the agenda.

Submissiveness does not mean constantly asking my wife if she wants me to do something for her. Submissiveness means doing whatever my wife asks when she asks. If my wife doesn't want me to do something for her at that moment, the submissive thing to do is keep my mouth shut. My chore list is long enough that I probably have something on it that needs doing.

If we're in bed, being submissive does not mean asking if she wants me to do submissive-y things to her. It means waiting for her to tell me what to do. If she wants me to do something, she'll let me know (verbally or otherwise). If she doesn't tell me to do something sexual, guess what? She doesn't want sex.

Why do I say such bossy, manipulative things to my dominant wife? I think it's because I want her to know that I'm willing to be of service in a certain way. But she already knows that. That's why she gets coffee in bed most mornings.

I need to consciously choose to be submissive when things don't go my way. I need to accept occasional disappointment in those times where her desires don't match up to my own.

As a side note, my wife recently allowed me to have an orgasm after five weeks of denial. I didn't last very long, which prompted some humiliating (but true) comments from her, and am now a week into another phase of chastity. She will not tell me how long I am going for now, although I suspect she has given up giving me orgasms for Lent.