Raising Expectations

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Clean Now, Blog Later

I had planned to write a long blog entry today, but I was too busy driving, shopping, cleaning, and running errands for my wife to do so. So I have a clean home, a very happy wife, and a neglected blog.  I spent nearly four hours cleaning this afternoon, but the tone of appreciation in my wife's voice when she remarked how clean it was made me happy. It was four hours of work for five seconds of appreciation, but it was worth it.

I'll try to get an early start tomorrow so I have time to post.

Being Submissive in Public

Being submissive and obedient to my wife is easier at home than it is in public. Unfortunately, it recently seems like I'm only capable of the easiest kinds of submission. For some reason, my submissive impulse is dulled when I'm in public with my wife. This weekend I was told quite clearly by my wife that my lack of submissiveness and disobedience when in public was unacceptable, and I was punished accordingly. My wife dislikes punishing me, so any punishment I receive comes with the added shame of the fact that she only punishes me for my most epic failures. There's no excuse for disobeying my wife's wishes in public. There's no excuse for not anticipating my wife's wishes and following them automatically and wordlessly. I often feel reluctant to be submissive when I'm in public around other people, because I'm ashamed to be seen as weaker, softer, or more sensitive. But I am. I shouldn't be ashamed of my submissiveness. I walk around feeling as proud to serve and obey my wife as I do at home. So why is it so hard for me? Part of it is consciously reminding myself to be submissive. A reminder would be great, like a necklace, bracelet, or ring that would serve as a "vanilla" collar. Part of it is being more submissive in my thoughts at home. The reality of public submission is that submissiveness is hardly ever noticeable. It's not like people are going to look at me and say, "he belongs to his wife, what a sissy." It will hardly ever be obvious, and when it is overt, people are just going to think I'm being chivalrous and helpful. As my wife said, being submissive isn't something we play at when we're at home, where I fetch her drinks and give her massages and then we go out and I get to be just another guy. My wife requires that I accept her authority openly and willingly, and she requires it constantly. Not just at home between certain times. On that note, this post too me much longer to write than it should have, and now I need to go get the house ready for my wife's return from work.

Developing Submissive Habits

So, I'm a submissive person by nature, both sexually and emotionally. Putting my wife's happiness first makes me happier than if I put my own happiness first (believe me, I tried). Submission to her satisfies me and fills me with a sense of personal fulfillment and accomplishment. I have known this about myself and have accepted and embraced my submissiveness since I was a teenager. Naturally, then, you would be forgiven for thinking that I would be great at behaving submissively toward my wife.

If only.

In truth, I do a terrible job of consistently being submissive. I have thought of many reasons why this may be, but they're all just excuses. My wife and I have found that we will both be happier and more fulfilled in our relationship if I am better able to submit to her authority. So I am actively developing habits that better fit with my submissive personality and role in my marriage.

Ask for help when I need it.

When I don't know the answer to something, I get anxious. It's uncomfortable to admit that you don't know something. So like most men, I try to BS my way through things. I'm very good at it, except with my wife. She sees right through it. She, for her part, loves having the answers. When I don't know something, the best thing for both of us it to submissively admit it to myself and my wife. She truly enjoys guiding and helping me, and get to stop pretending.

Listen extremely closely and remember subtle things.

A big part of service is in remembering someone's preferences, and storing someone's suggestions (when they don't realize you're keeping track) is a great way to come up with great ideas for gifts and surprises. And my wife loves gifts and surprises. Think of the waitstaff at an excellent restaurant or hotel. They notice the extremely little things and act on them to make your experience amazing. I should be trying to do the same for my wife.

As a corollary, do things without being told twice.

My telling her that I'm going to do something counts as me being told. If I'm supposed to get it done, it gets done without a reminder. If not, my wife can't count on me. And that's truly emasculating.

Keep my opinions to myself unless she asks.

It's not that she doesn't care what I think, but I need to do a better job of seeing things with empathy and understanding, rather than constantly passing judgment. My wife's point of view is one I should be acquainting myself with on a much more consistent basis.

I'll try to track how much I improve on these four things, in both quantity and quality. I know there are a lot of submissive spouses, male and female, out there who do a much better job than me on these things. I have turned on the comments feature, so any ideas or suggestions you have would be hugely appreciated.

Hello

I'm not exactly sure where I got the idea that writing about all this on the internet was such a good idea. But here goes.

I am, by nature, a submissive person. I knew from a young age that I wasn't as aggressive as my friends, and I liked being helpful and avoiding conflict. When I started dating, I realized I preferred to take a submissive role in relationships and sex. To this day, I work in a profession where caring and empathy are essential skills.

My wife is not a submissive person. She knows what she wants. She is ambitious, talented, and extremely intelligent. She is a bit of a brat. She likes having all the answers, and being the best at whatever she does. When she started dating, she quickly found that her ideal boyfriend was one who would make her feel like a princess.

The dominant/submissive dynamic has been a key part of our relationship. We knew vaguely what was happening between us, and over the years came to better understand it. We recognized it, talked about it, and read about it on the internet. I hope others will read this blog and will be better able to understand how a dominant/submissive dynamic might be happening in their own lives.

As time has passed, we have grown and developed in our dynamic. My wife is now the leader of our relationship, meaning that I submit to her authority unless specifically told to do otherwise. I'll discuss exactly what that looks like in a later post. She has held final authority over large decisions that normally couples would share, such as what part of the country we live in, whether and where I attend graduate school, and what career I will pursue when I am done with school.

Each time she has exercised this authority, I have become more satisfied with our relationship, because by bending to her will, I have created harmony and agreement in our relationship. These things are more important to us than whether I get into the very fanciest grad school.

I think my main goal with this blog is for others to see how this dynamic works in a real-life relationship. Some of it is definitely about sex (awesome sex, btw), some of it is about kink and bdsm, but quite a lot of it is about everyday life.

I have lots of things in mind to write about. Although I'm just getting started, I would love to hear your thoughts. I'm also happy to answer any questions you have about my experience as a submissive, obedient husband. I can be reached at lovecherishobey@gmail.com.